Common Myths About Boundaries: A Deep Dive into Chapter 6 of Boundaries
Setting boundaries isn’t just hard—it’s often misunderstood. Maybe you’ve been told that having limits means you’re selfish, or that true love means never saying no. But here’s the reality: these are myths that keep people stuck in burnout, resentment, and unhealthy relationships.
In Chapter 6 of Boundaries, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend break down the most common misconceptions about boundaries, where they come from, and why believing them can keep you from having healthy relationships.
Let’s clear up the confusion. 🚀
🚫 Myth #1: "If I Set Boundaries, I’m Being Selfish"
This is the big one. Many people (especially caretakers and people-pleasers) fear that saying no means they’re being self-centered.
🔹 Truth: Boundaries aren’t about neglecting others—they’re about being responsible for yourself.
🔹 People with strong boundaries actually have more capacity for empathy and love—because they aren’t drained from overextending themselves.
💡 Key takeaway: Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s necessary for healthy relationships.
🚦 Myth #2: "Boundaries Mean I Don’t Love You"
Some people interpret boundaries as rejection—but they aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about protecting relationships from resentment and exhaustion.
🔹 Truth: Love and boundaries go together.
🔹 Without boundaries, relationships become imbalanced—one person gives, while the other takes.
🔹 Healthy relationships require mutual respect, space, and choice.
💡 Key takeaway: You can love someone and still say no.
🙅♂️ Myth #3: "If I Set Boundaries, People Will Leave"
Fear of rejection is real. Many people avoid setting boundaries because they don’t want to lose relationships.
🔹 Truth: If someone only values you when you say yes, that’s a red flag.
🔹 Healthy people respect boundaries—even if they don’t always like them.
🔹 If a boundary makes someone walk away, it reveals that the relationship was conditional.
💡 Key takeaway: The people who respect your boundaries are the ones worth keeping.
💪 Myth #4: "I Can’t Set Boundaries Because It Will Hurt Others"
Setting a boundary might make someone uncomfortable—but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
🔹 Truth: There’s a difference between hurt and harm.
A boundary may hurt someone’s feelings temporarily, but it won’t harm them.
A lack of boundaries, on the other hand, can cause serious harm—to your emotional well-being.
💡 Key takeaway: It’s okay if people don’t like your boundaries—your job isn’t to make everyone happy.
🎭 Myth #5: "Boundaries Are Permanent and Can’t Be Changed"
Some people avoid setting boundaries because they fear making permanent decisions.
🔹 Truth: Boundaries are flexible—they can evolve as relationships grow and change.
🔹 You can adjust a boundary if circumstances shift—but the key is that you are in control of those adjustments.
💡 Key takeaway: Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re fences with gates.
🚀 How to Start Letting Go of These Myths
✔ Recognize the false beliefs you’ve been carrying.
✔ Practice saying no in small ways.
✔ Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries.
✔ Remind yourself that boundaries create healthier relationships, not weaker ones.
💬 Which boundary myth have you struggled with the most? Drop a comment below!
📖 Want to learn more? Read Chapter 6 of Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.
📌 Reference
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (2012). Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life. Zondervan.
